Personal experience with gender confusion – I thought I should have been a boy!

Recently, there have been many heated discussions about gender confusion and fluidity of gender. For more than half of my life I thought I should have been a boy. I didn’t understand why I felt that way and it made me miserable and depressed. If I was an adolescent now, I would probably identify myself as a trans-gender person. There seem to be many to choose from.

Disclaimer: This article is highly opinionated. Feel free to disagree with me but keep your mind open. You can drop your comments below.

There is no such thing as fluidity of gender

Let’s start the discussion by exploring purely scientific point of view.

Biologically, there are only two genders – male and female. This has nothing to do with how you feel, whether you have developed male or female features or sexual organs or whether you decided to change them with a surgery.

Male or female gender depends on your chromosome set. As long as you have a Y-chromosome, you are a male. If you only have only X-chromosomes, you are a female. There’s no confusion there.

Normal females have XX, normal males have XY chromosomes. There are cases of chromosomes lacking or being multiplied X0, XXX, XXY, XYY. These abnormalities are rare genetical disorders.

Your DNA determines your gender. There is no such thing as fluidity of gender.
Your DNA determines your gender. There is no such thing as fluidity of gender.

Genders and competitive sports

I don’t know at which point the rules in sports changed but when I was taking a course in genetics at the university, the scientists taught us that as long as you have a Y-chromosome, you are a male (even though you might look like a woman and feel like a woman).

A person with a Y-chromosome used to be disqualified in women’s competitions purely because a Y-chromosome gives you more strength. You can think of it as a natural form of doping.

Some women don’t know that they have XXY and therefore when they learn through a genetical test that they are technically a male, they feel discriminated. On the other hand, should other athletes be competing against a person who has a clear advantage when there’s so much fuss about people using doping?

I don’t understand the discussions about whether transgender males should compete in women’s competitions. No matter how many operations they had, they can’t change their genome. They still have Y-chromosome and therefore a clear advantage against XX. So the answer is no. In my opinion, transgender male shouldn’t compete in women’s competitions.

All the feminists out there will hate me right now but I don’t think women should be involved in competitive sports at all. I wouldn’t say that 15 years ago, but I say it now and have clear reasons for it. Competitiveness has a lot to do with gender confusion in women.

I thought I should have been a boy

Before I explain why the whole concept of gender fluidity is wrong, let me briefly tell you how gender confusion happened to me. I believe that gender confusion is nurture, not nature.

Gender confusion is nurture, not nature

Hanging round boys

When I was a little girl, we used to live in a small village. There were not many kids of my age at our end of the village, so I mainly spent my childhood with my little brother, my two boy-cousins and a few boys from the neighbourhood. There was only one girl of my age in our street. I visited her several times but most of my first 7 years of life I played with boys.

When I was 7 years old, I couldn’t wait to go to school. On my first day, my mum with walked me. There was this old man outside his house watching a little crowd of excited kids going to school the first time. Nowadays, people would most likely accuse him of being a pervert! He obviously wasn’t.

I think he wanted to be nice to me, so as my Mum and I were walking by, he asked, “What is your name, little boy?”. I said, “I’m not a boy, I am a girl!”, and started crying.

It’s funny how these seemingly insignificant experiences stay in your subconscious for years. Other people thought I was a boy even though them days I clearly didn’t have any gender confusion. I knew I was a girl!

Growing up in a competitive environment

Czech schools used to be very competitive. When I was attending school in the 90s, nobody would give you good grades for doing nothing. You either met the standards or you didn’t. You couldn’t drop a subject or fail a single one. I went to the top schools in my area where there was a lot of pressure on students. I was way too focused and hard-working.

Becoming a feminist

Situation at home wasn’t very good as I was growing up with an addicted parent. Subconsciously I learnt that men are abusive weak creatures and I shouldn’t trust them. A self-preservation mechanism kicked in and turned me into a hard-core feminist.

I refused to do most things traditionally connected with a women’s role, like cooking, and decided to become a scientist.

My feminist years were quite miserable, to be honest. I wasn’t capable of maintaining a loving relationship, I was stressed, had very irregular periods and felt that I should have been a man more than ever. In a sense, I was internally fighting the whole world.

From a feminist to feminine

When I was 21, things changed almost overnight.

By a total chance I took a belly dance lesson. For the first time in my life I experienced my feminine energy. Slowly but surely it started awakening in me. To my surprise I realized, that I felt good in my own body.

Belly dancing is not a fitness. It’s a life philosophy. Belly dancing group is a little community. Out of the blue I had my own tribe. A group of women to discuss and experience feminine things with.

It took years to come to terms with my feminine side but never again did I experience a gender confusion again. My feminists views are long time gone and I do cook. 🙂

Fluidity of gender is a nonsense!

As we established earlier, there is no such thing as a fluidity of gender. There are only two genders – male and female. The fluidity people experience has nothing to do with their gender.

If people had more holistic education than learning purely scientific-materialism point of view, there wouldn’t be a need for such discussions at all.


Male and female energy in human body

I strongly believe that the gender confusion and fluidity of gender are clear signs that our society is broken. If you told people that you are an agender or a genderqueer a hundred years ago, they would think there’s something wrong with your head, not with your gender.

Every human being has both, male and female energy. Man are externally male and internally female, woman are externally female and internally male.

You can learn more by reading a lecture by Rudolf Steiner Man and Woman in Light of Spiritual Science. A gentle warning for feminists and political-correctness obsessed people: Rudolf Steiner gave this lecture in 1908. Them days it was customary to use a word “man” for humankind. It’s ok the way it is. No need to change it.

If you want to experience happiness and wellbeing, you should strive for a balance between male and female energy. Every activity involves both energies but not equally. Some activities are predominantly using male energy, some female.

Your energy body rules your physical body. Using male and female energy stimulates different glands which then produce different hormones. Hormones regulate chemical reactions in your body and therefore also your moods and feelings.

If you produce a lot of adrenalin and testosterone, you will feel more as a male. Reversely, producing little adrenaline and testosterone will make you feel more female. Nothing to do with your gender. There’s no gender fluidity. However, there is a continual fluidity between male and female energies in your body.

There is a continual fluidity between male and female energies in your body.

There is no fluidity of gender - we just don't use left and right brain equally.
There is no fluidity of gender – we just don’t use left and right brain equally.

We live in a male-dominated society – and feminists make it worse!

Dear feminists, this male-domination has nothing to do with the pay-gap between man and woman or with how many women are taking high positions in companies or join the army.

Quite contrary. Pushing women to take these roles makes things worse. Contemporary western feminism makes the world even more male-dominated than ever before!

Here are two lists of activities or behaviours connected primarily with either male or female energy:

Activities that use predominantly male energy:

  • action
  • competitiveness, aggression
  • focus and goals-orientation
  • hard physical or mental work
  • argumentation
  • problem solving
  • ambitions
  • planning and organization
  • high performance
  • workaholism
  • intellectual thinking, logic, reason
  • self-confidence
  • sports
  • driving
  • adrenalin activities
  • giving

Activities that use predominantly female energy:

  • caring
  • nurturing
  • creative work
  • crafts
  • emotional intelligence
  • intuition, inner wisdom
  • healing
  • prayer
  • love
  • non-competitive gentle physical activities (dance, eurythmy, yoga…)
  • receiving
  • doing nothing (being)

Think of your regular day or a week and count how much time you spent doing activities from male list and how much time from female list.

See what I mean that this world is predominantly male oriented? Sadly our society puts much less value onto female energy because it doesn’t generate money. No it doesn’t. But by suppressing female energy we lose connection with ourselves and with each other. We don’t maintain stable loving relationships, depression and anxiety became pandemic and we don’t know who we are so we try to desperately identify ourselves with something – like fifty different genders.

We have generations of hardened women…

Women are not stay-at-home wives anymore. They don’t have support from their husbands so that they could use their feminine capabilities even if they wanted to. As long as men don’t fulfill their roles as husbands and fathers, women don’t have much choice but to be a mother and a father at the same time. They have to support the family if their partners fail to do so. Overuse of male energy hardens them.

Let’s have a closer look at a typical contemporary western feminists:

  • Most of them are loud and shout as if we were all deaf – male energy.
  • They want women to do jobs that involve predominantly male energy – directors, soldiers… (What are they thinking???).
  • They try to wipe out any word that has man in it – as if this had anything to do with anything.
  • Their behaviour is very aggressive – male energy.
  • There’s nothing feminine in their appearance.

If you ask me, I think women who act this way, are trying to solve a wrong problem. They can’t possibly be in touch with their feminininity otherwise they would never say things they say. Instead of nurturing their femininine side they use more and more male energy. No wonder they look so unhappy. Trust me, I know what I’m saying. I’ve been there myself.

I’m not saying that women can’t have high-performance or physical jobs. Of course, they can, if that’s what they wish. However, it comes at a price.

If a woman is willing to sacrifice her family life, romantic relationships, her empathy and intuition, and doesn’t mind enduring constant high levels of stress, low sex drive, irregular periods and generally feeling disconnected from the Universe, that’s her choice but don’t push this life style on women!

…and generations of weak men

Situation with man is even worse than with women.

Nowadays, men feel rarely as real men. Most of them don’t have any personal mission and can’t see their purpose in life. They don’t know what to do with themselves which leads to anxiety, depression and addictions. There are several generations of man who don’t have role models for how to be a man. It’s hardly surprising that many feel confused in their own body.

Man need to do more things from the male energy list – set goals and take actions. Sitting in a pub drinking beer, watching programmes or vidoes all day or wasting time with game consoles is hardly make one feel like a strong warrior.


Lack of understanding of the balance between male and female energy in human body leads to a society with hardened women and weak man. No wonder most of us at some point experience a gender confusion or resonate with the concept of “fluidity of gender”.

In conclusion, I’d like to stress that, this is a very serious problem for our generation and future generations. We can’t solve it by political correctness, establishing a ridiculous amount of new genders by law or telling our children that they are neither a boy nor a girl.

The only solution to gender confusion is a clear understanding of male and female energy in the human body and establishing the balance between them so that once again man can feel strong and confident and women feminine.


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